Ironic

My dog's stomach was very upset,

So I put him in the car and we went to the vet.

And on our way to the vet,

I killed a cat.

I said isn't that ironic?

I adopted a child from over seas,

to rescue him from child labor factories,

And on his very first birthday we went to Build-A-Bear Workshop.

I said isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?

A water-park is burnt to the ground,

And a toe-truck has broken down.

I always use to cry when I laughed,

and then I was raped by a clown.

Isn't that ironic?

I was watching Al Gore on CNN,

He was talking, and talking, and talking,

and then,

Out of boredom, my pet polar bear shot himself.

I dated an animal rights activist,

and one day she got really pissed,

Because I was eating veal,

That was wrapped in pita (PETA) bread.

Isn't that I-R-O-N-I-C-I-N-O-R-I-R-O-N-I-C?

I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch,

And I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncle's pull-out couch.

If everyday you play the board-game Risk,

You probably never taken a risk in your life.

And Monopoly has far from the stranglehold on the board game market.

A little kid died from suffocation, when he choked a game piece from Operation.

And I can't grow a beard.

That one's not ironic, that one's just sad.

Bob Barker got all of my pets pregnant.

My grandfather had Alzheimer's and one day we were...